Friday Funnies

So the other night we are watching a show on Animal Planet - I think it was "Blue Earth," but not sure. The narrator is talking about Australian Squid and what makes them different from other squid. He says something like, "These squid only grow up to about a foot long." D turned to Dan and said, "Just like a Five-Dollar Footlong!" I guess that gives him something to compare it to since he's eaten a full footlong several times now.

Yesterday, K was being so sweet with T. T was laying on the floor and K came and sat by her with a Dora picture book and was "reading" it to her. Then she got her a pillow and blanket and kept saying, "Nap Time....Nap Time." Of course, she was covering her completely up with the blanket - face and all. She was very careful with her...the funniest part was T had just gotten up from her morning nap, but she thought she should take another one....

Friday Funnies...

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor sign reads: Wives that love sex.
The second floor sign reads: Wives that love sex and have money and like beer .
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Friday Funnies - # Who can remember?

I know it has been another LONG time since blogging - some of my friends have given up on me but I just have not had the time. Or if I had - I chose to try to catch up on my sleep. It is not for lack of material though....here is another good one.

We were in the car (the whole family) on the way to my parents to celebrate a belated Mother's Day. C has been really into Lightning McQueen and so once again the conversation revolved around that. C was pretending to be LMcQ of course, D was Luigi and C told Daddy he was Mater. And everyone knows that Mater has a "hooker." Jokingly under my breath I asked Dan who his "hooker" was - D heard and said "You, Mama, You're Daddy's hooker." Dan replied, "Yep, Mama is Mater's hooker."

Is that a compliment??? I guess I do wear the ring....

Friday Funnies...

I need to start writing down more of the funnies that the boys say during the week...The other day C said something funny but I couldn't write it down at that moment - got distracted and now I can't for the life of me remember what it was but at the time I thought..."There is a Friday Funny!"

They have been singing, "Hey, Good Looking" by Hank Williams, SR. I think that is the name of the song anyway... Dan sang it for Karaoke one night and everyone thought he sounded great so I found the ringtone and downloaded it so that when he calls my cell that song plays. Well, the boys have both been singing it too. It is so cute to see their different styles of singing...D makes it sound more like a ballad and C definately has more of the twangy, country sound. C also does a little Elvis-like move as he is singing... I need to get a video of it and I would post it here but I am on slow-mow dial up and it would take FFFOOORRREEEVVVEEERRR!

So, until we get faster internet...here is something to laugh at....

Friday Funnies - Who needs a diet?

Friday Funnies #4 - How should I take this???

On Wednesday afternoon, I asked my friend Jean if she would graciously watch my boys while I had an appointment. She agreed because her grandson, CJ is staying and he fits right inbetween my two boys - they get along fabulous as well. Well, of course, when I come back neither of my boys wants to leave because they are having so much fun... I have to bribe them with swiss cake rolls to clean up and then corral them out the door to get home to eat supper then head back into town for AWANA.

I finally get them in the car and we are heading down the road back to our house and D starts telling me (again) how I am a mean mom because I make them leave when they are having fun(C joins with "Yeah, mom, your mean!). And, how I am so boring because I don't let them do anything (C again "Yeah, mom, your boring!). AND, how I am just NO FUN AT ALL!! (C, "Yeah, No fun at all!"). I told them that since I am so mean, boring and just no fun that I will put them up for adoption so that they can find someone who is better BUT that they might get someone who is meaner, more boring and less fun than I am so they better watch out.

D says to that, "Oh yeah, mom, you are just so mean and boring and no fun you shouldn't be a mom at all - you should just be a...be a....be an AUNT or something." (C - "Yeah, an aunt or something.").

They love their aunties and think that their aunties are the most funnest ever and so I should be fun and spoil them like their aunties...

Friday Funnies #3 - More of D's Oneliners...

Reader Warning: Part of this story not suitable for children who have fettish for sticking things up their noses!

A couple of Sundays ago we were dropping my husband off at the airport - on the way home we stopped at McDonalds because the boys were starving and I figured it would keep them quiet in the truck. It covered both issues for the most part until we were almost home. Then the boys were antagonizing each other - trying (and succeeding) to make the other scream. I did my usual threat of making them walk up the driveway when we got home. I thought that worked until I heard D scream again - this time it was different - it sounded more like the M&M nose incident (click here), but I knew they did not have M&M's. I look back and sure enough he had that panicked look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said "This was up my nose." I asked what he was talking about, he said, "This." I asked what "this" was supposed to be.

Apparently, he pulled darker, crusty part off of his bun and rolled it up then stuck it up his nose. Then, he informs me, "There is still some up there, Mom!" Now, mind you I am still driving....I asked if he could blow it out....luckily it all came out. I asked him why he thought he should do that again - didn't he learn not to stick things up his nose from the M&M incident. He said, "Mom, I only HALF learned that."

I said, "Well, I certainly hope you learned the other half now!"

Friday Funnies #1

D has been totally into making up words and then saying "That is spanish for ______." (Watches too much Dora and Diego!) Well, the last couple of days he has been using the word "hooker" with the meaning: something that has a curve or hook on the end. But some of the sentences he uses it in just makes me laugh. For instance, did you know that Captain Hook has a hooker. A couple of days ago, one of the boys asked me if Daddy's truck had a hooker. I told him, It better not or he won't be your Daddy anymore....